I know how hard it is to be afraid. You start opening yourself up to the things you really want in your life…
Asking for a raise because you’re worth it. Saying hello to the cute guy you have a crush on. Committing to your fitness journey to feel confident and good in your skin. Moving cross country to live where you’ve always dreamed of living. Starting a business to follow what you love. Writing a book. Becoming the person you really want to be. And boom, a brick wall of fear appears out of nowhere, reminding you that there’s a risk of going after what you want. The risk of not getting it or not being 100% sure you can walk in those big fierce girl boots.
We all have fear but it’s what we decide to do in the face of fear that determines the direction we’ll go. Will you shrink back into your life or will you choose to use your fear to be catapulted into the future you dream about? I’ve learned over the years of going after all of the above and facing my fear time after time that all we really have to do in the face of fear is a few simple steps that will help us move in the direction of what we really want.
Step 1: Face Your Fear
When you decide you want something and you start thinking about it and then fear creeps in, this is the time you have to do everything in your power to make sure you don’t shrink back but instead, face your fear. This is the time for massive action! Acknowledge your fear’s presence and know that your fear is not who you are, it’s just a feeling. At this moment, I go to a quiet place, take my journal out and start writing about what I’m feeling. No directions, just write how you feel.
This helps to not just move on from the moment and onto your next to-do, but instead, actually, face this feeling which then leads you to remember that you can move forward from your fear. You’re in the driver’s seat, not your fear. When you want to run or hide, choose to face your fear instead. This is the only way forward.
Step 2: Walk Through The Fear
So now that you know your fear is here and that you’re showing up for it and not running from it, what you do next is you walk through the fear like a warrior. When I first started doing live videos on social media, I had a lot of fear around being seen. I knew that my fear was just fear of the unknown, fear of messing up and fear of being judged. And once I acknowledged its presence, I knew that the only thing I could do next besides just not do it (which would not move me forward to what I want), was to take massive action and walk through my fear by just doing it.
Just show up. Especially when it’s hard, show up. That’s my motto in almost everything I don’t want to do or I’m afraid to do. And it works. The more experience you have with facing your fears and then taking massive action through your fear, the more of a warrior you become.
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You gain confidence. You start to realize that fear only owns you if you let it. So you stop letting it because you realize that you are going to choose to own your fear, not the other way around! How can you show up and walk through your fear today? You just do it. It really is that simple babe. And something that really helps me when I’m standing there ready to walk into it is picturing myself standing with women who have gone before us and faced their fear.
Picture your ancestors finding their way to America hundreds of years ago not knowing the way but trusting instead. And their ancestors who foraged for food in the wild without knowing if they’d come face to face with a tiger. Think of all the courageous women who stood up to fight for our rights. Thinking of people who have gone before me is a little secret that anchors me and reminds me if they faced their fears, I can do it too. So can you.
Step 3: Practice Loving Yourself
I think a huge part of the journey to moving forward to the life we want is believing it’s possible that we can have it. And that is rooted in the love we have for ourselves.
You have to love yourself so deeply that you know what you want in your life and for yourself. You believe you can have it so you start going for it one step at a time. Honoring your self and your truth. Fulfilling what’s in you to fulfill in this one life. Start with love. Give yourself grace. Begin a daily practice of Mirror Talk. Look yourself in the mirror every day and tell yourself you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are enough and you are so deeply loved.
To this day, I focus on my self-talk and alter each negative thought with its positive scenario, I write myself love letters, lipstick “you are beautiful and fierce” on my bathroom mirror, and wear intention bracelets that give me the courage and strength I need to believe in myself. It takes time, devotion and a true desire to move forward in your life and it’s possible. Make it fun! Take your lipstick out and write ‘You deserve to shine’ or ‘You are beautiful, powerful and loved.’ Whatever feels best for you, write that.
Everything you do to honor yourself and love yourself will lead you to the life you want. It’s not a snap of the fingers kind of result, it’s a long game of inches. But those inches are the days of your lives that matter most. Fear is the best indicator we’re living our most authentic lives. Go out there today and start waking up in your life a little more than you were awake yesterday. If you read this all the way through, I bet you’re feeling that baby step completed already! You probably feel a fire burning, even if just a little more than when you opened this email.
My action step for you today is to do one thing you fear and to commit to doing it TODAY. And if you don’t know what you fear, open a note on your computer, title it ‘what I fear’ and start writing what you fear. That’s a big step forward, it’s step #1!
Remember: face your fear, walk through the fear and practice loving you every single day.
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