So here I am, I’ve gone from a Personal Banker to a Competitor who had taken my dieting and exercise plan to the extreme. I now knew I had the will power to do anything I wanted. After all, I had gone 3 solid months of no carbing. I’m not sure many people could do that, as it was the most challenging thing I’ve ever set my mind to.
At this point, I just got back from Idaho, shooting with Andy Anderson (Nike Photographer, and more) for Bodybuilding.com’s Lift Life Ad Campaign. I was on top of the world. So here I am, HOME, and I decided that since I didn’t have anything coming up, I had deprived myself and my body of carbs too long, so I decided to add them back in. I didn’t add them back in very slowly, I just went back to normal carb eating, maybe 120 grams a day is all I could handle. My stomach would bloat right away and I just felt like I gained 10 lbs. Truth be it, I gained 12 pounds back immediately. Now, some would say, well, you’d have to consume 3500 calories extra for one pound, and some would say, well, it could have been mostly water weight. I think it was a combination of the two. I think my body was in starvation mode and used everything I put in it for fat storage as well as held much needed water, as I was completely depleted. I mean, seriously, I didn’t even touch a strawberry in Idaho. so I was completely carb less.
So immediately I begin thinking, what the. I knew something was wrong. So fast forward two months. I get an email from Bodybuilding.com that they want me to represent them as a spokesmodel for the first ever Team Bodybuilding.com. I flipped. It was an amazing moment. I just felt like, man, my dreams were really coming true.
Now, during this time, my body had come down a little to a normal weight, but I realized that my normal weight consisted of having a belly still. That really bugged me. Looking back at picture of me as a teenager, I realized I have always had a belly. So this began the viscious cycle of me being bothered by this stubborn area.
I even noticed weight coming back in my arms, lower back, sides, and legs. Things were less defined, but yet, I was doing everything right still,e xcept eating healthy carbs now. My training was ridiculous and I can confirm this because no matter what I do, I am always progressing, whether it’s with my knowledge of a healthy, clean diet, or with exercise. Always.
So here are my stats for the past year.
When I went to lift life, it was hard to get back down there, I got to 145 on no carbs again.
There are no pictures in between here because I didn’t like how I looked.
Then when I got back, I immediately went back up to 162. No joke. I put on over 15 pounds of weight immediately.
In short, there was drastic fluctuation. Some would call this Yo Yoing. I would completely agree.
So I was doing all I could, nothing was changing. So then enter a contract from BB.com saying I would be working their events in 2011 and that in March, I would attend the Arnold with them. Wearing a sports bra and tighty pants. I was nervous to be honest because my body was not RESPONDING to anything anymore. This is truly (when I came back for the second time with no carbs and added them in) when I began feeling stressed with working so hard and not seeing results. So I took it up 10 notches. I was doing 2 a days, eating 1400 calories (I didn’t know better at this time) and lifting, increasing my cardio and NOTHING; I mean NOTHING.
So fast forward now through Christmas, New Years and February. The ARnold was right around the corner, I was doing everything I could and nothing was working. I began to think I just couldn’t lose anymore weight. The first year had been cake compared to now, Oh that sounds soo good….j/k ;0 but really, what had happened. the only thing I could think that would work was doing no carbs again.
So round 3…no carbs. 3 weeks and I got to this point for the Arnold. Still, not as great as my first competition (those last three words would be the 3 words I put on a pedestal for my “smallest I’ve ever been”). I always compared where I was at to where I was at for “my first competition.” Yet, another thing that began plaguing me, comparing. This only added to my stress and frustration.
At the Arnold, honestly. I felt uncomfortable. Standing up next to girls with 2 packs or 6 packs, I felt VERY, extremely out of my comfort zone. I was standing there, in a sports bra and tight pants. If I would have been wearing shorts, I think I would have felt better as I love my legs, but I felt they only emphasized my weak area, squeezing tightly around my midsection. It seemed to me as our outfits were intended to draw the eye to the midsection. Damn! Now, some may have said I looked great for losing weight and I don’t have to look like the other girls…now, I would agree, but then, I didn’t see it that way. It only frustrated me more that I deprived myself YET again (and had done everything I could do to work my ass off in the gym and eat super clean without going no carbs but nothing was happening…my body was not responding)..and here I am, the worst looking one there. But I smiled and put my face on and moved forward doing my best to be “comfortable being uncomfortable.” A quote I came up with from this experience.
I got the chance to speak to a lot of bodybuilders about the different ways they keep in shape. One bodybuilder told me that she likes to use SARMs as a way of enhancing her workouts. She told me she uses a website called SARMs for sale and gets her products delivered straight to her door. Supplements are widely used in the bodybuilding industry but it’s still important to do as much research as you can before you start taking them.
Putting the body issue aside, I had an amazing time and feel so grateful to have been there and to have been asked to represent Bodybuilding.com. I always put that in front of my mind when I began obsessing too much about the negative….that this huge door had opened for me and this was my time. this is my 30 seconds….this is another crack in the door opening for me and I’m actually walking through. I only wish I would have realized what I know now so I truly could have enjoyed the positive feelings more than the negative. Live and learn.
I met some amazing people while there, and here are some pictures.
At the Arnold, we took more pictures and here’s what I looked like in the professional pictures that I will not post to this day: Pictures by Levi Bettweiser. Maybe you’re thinking, wow, you don’t look fat. But in my head, I didnt look the same anymore and I was just stressed and unhappy that I was a cat catching it’s tail. Would you be comfortable standing up next to girls with great bodys? I just felt like I was losing my definition and gaining weight. But trying ten fold.
Here is my video of behind the scenes at the Arnold. I actually met arnold, such a nice man!
You can see my body has not responded the same as the previous times of no carbs. Almost, it looks as though I might work out and eat pretty well but still have “a few pounds around the edges.” Blas! These pics really bothered me. Only one has been published on BB.com. haha Hmm, I wonder why.
In my mind, I didn’t know if each time BB.com saw me, they wanted me to be progressed physically. I wasn’t exactly sure what MY role was on the team. I would later come to realize what it is.
In Part 4 I am going to tell you of my time at Fitness Model International in May of 2011, when I really began putting myself out there as a Fitness Model. My plateau, struggle and stress continued…There is an end:) Two more parts.