SELF LOVE. KNOWING OURSELVES. Honoring ourselves. Listening to what we need. To what we want. To who we are, not just who we are in the world.
IT’S SO FREAKIN IMPORTANT.
I struggle a lot with knowing what and what not to share here, there or another platform or whether in my brand or with a friend…I hold back. I don’t want to do that out of fear of judgment anymore ⛓ I want to set myself free and so I want to tell you that I’m struggling.🦅🔥💕 damn it feels good to say that. I’m struggling to keep everything going, moving forward, growing, living…
I’m a mom too, a mom of my passion…my brand…I’ve spent the past 11 years showing up, sharing myself, sometimes being too afraid to and doing it anyway and sometimes holding back. Always with my heart to help others. I really do care. Like, a lot.
I don’t always talk about the challenges because when I’m in them, they feel so messy poop and I don’t want people to think I’m trying to make this about me but truth is, this is me and I need to believe I belong. All of me.
This isn’t pretty or perfect and I think social media messes with my head about the standard that things need to be finished or picture-perfect to present. That’s not me. And that’s not what I think the journey is about. I think it’s about all of it.
In the past when I’ve gone through a season of needing to take time for me and listen to reconnect to my self, I haven’t always shared and I just want to do the thing I’m afraid to do and share that I don’t have my shit together because I haven’t been taking care of me. I’m working through some things that I’ve been pushing off for a long time. Facing myself. Asking myself the questions like, “who am I NOW?” “What if who I am now isn’t who I’m being, what will happen, will I lose it all?” “What does lose it all mean?” “What matters most to me?” “Are you being true to yourself?” Some seriously tough questions that as I’m typing this my throats tightening up.
Why am I sharing this? I’m sharing this because I need to. I need to say I struggle too. I need to say that even though most times I’m trying to lead a community of women and a brand that helps people move forward, that I struggle leading myself.
I needed to share because I’m afraid to share. Because I’m afraid to show up in who I really am, in all the colors. And because sometimes I’m tired of not sharing the raw, real stuff. Because this is such an important part of being human. Being REAL. Not shoving, running, hiding, acting tough or showing the most picture-perfect life but coming out from the shadows and sharing to maybe help.
But I realize I have to help me first. I need to give myself permission to start creating a new way of operating, being and living my life. Because if I’m working backward, I can’t possibly be my best for other people if I’m not being my best for me first.
p.s. this isn’t a declaration that I’m going anywhere or leaving or taking a hiatus, it’s a declaration of being honest af with myself and with you. I think our world needs more of that and I know I need to stand for that by sharing mine.
I don’t know what this looks like for me yet except that something needs to change and I know the map: I just have to listen, trust and take one step forward for me. Change is so hard. But it’s ok. I’m up for it because I’m over the current sitch. I wrote a list of things I’m afraid of and so today I’m checking off, sharing my shit.🥾
Sending you all love and please know if you’re also in a season of coming home, questioning, diving in the deep end to return to you, I’m right here with you. and if one day this season approaches you, you’ll have others who have been through it and faced it to help you along.
xo & Fiercing Forward for ourselves first, Ash
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